Wherever you are, there you'll be.

thinking about this lately, will expand soon

thoughts on Love

it's not so much what we do that affects the Fathers love for us, it's more how we perceive His love that affects what we do.

its been a little while

In a little while
Surely you'll be mine
In a little while... I'll be there
In a little while
This hurt will hurt no more
I'll be home, love
-u2


*my situation of hurt may be completely different than what yours might look like, they may pale in comparison, but regardless, this has been my perspective lately. my hurt is not a physical hurt, it's more of an internal hurt, one due to injustice/wrongdoing/offence perhaps, all are applicable i believe.

anyways..

so there you have it from bono's words - in a little while this hurt will hurt no more.

how do we move on from hurt? how do we make it through all the hurt? how does the hurt hurt no more bono? seems easier said than done...

i've been intrigued the grief process lately and the somewhat natural cycles that are produced from grief and grieving. typically i would have only applied the grief process to something as "big" as death or dying. but really if you think about it, it's pretty natural to go through through the "stages" of grief regardless of the situation - death, loss of something, broken relationships, regret of the past, etc.

so here they are the stages of grief
1-shock & denial 2- pain & guilt 3-anger & bargaining 4-"depression"/loneliness/reflection 5-the upward turn 6-reconstruction & working through 7-acceptance & hope

some websites will list only 5 some list 10 - i chose to this this websites 7 because the last one wasn't only title acceptance - it also had hope on there.
dictionary.com says

hope –noun

1.the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best

2. a particular instance of this feeling

3.for this feeling in a particular instance

4.a or thing in which expectationseare centered

5. something thatsis hoped for

–verb (

6.to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

7.to believe, desire, or trust:

lately i've needed to 'trust in the Lord with all my hope and to lean not on my own understanding but in all my ways acknowledge Him and He will make my path straight." pr 3.5-6 which is what i've been surrendering to every day, or attempting to. its hard to bring that verse into practical sense in my opinion - easier said than done - again - but, i've been trying to focus on it and remind myself of it daily if possible.

it wasn't until i thought about this u2 song today that i realized i had been grieving this "loss". as i look back all the stages were there, i never would have imagined. i never would have thought this "hurt" could have changed to "hurt no more" through this grief process i wasn't even aware of that was happening, but it has. don't get me wrong, it's still there and affects me daily but i have acceptance of the events & hope. a hope that is not in myself but in the Lord. i am trying to be better instead of letting this hurt make me bitter. i am trying to set my eyes on things above and realize that we are meant to live for something more than this, our daily lives, there is a higher purpose God has called us to. sometimes that gets lost in the business of everyday, i know i needed the reminder.


is there something in your life that you've been grieving? were you even aware that it was a process you were going through?

Christmas.

I was thinking the other day of how in this modern, politically correct day in age we live in, there are few things that transcend people across the world. Of course there are things like love, peace, music, etc, and maybe some other things, but thats not the point. the point is that today - when Christmas carols can no longer be called Christmas carols - they need to be referred to as holiday songs, and kids Christmas concerts lack the words "Merry Christmas" and any mention of Jesus' birth, today people all over the world still travel miles and miles, sometimes across oceans, they wait for incredibly long hours at airports, or on buses & trains, to be with loved ones for Christmas. In a world were everything is accessible 24 hrs a day, few days remain sacred, but yet we can still find one day, and one of the most important days ever, that truly seems to still have that stature. Even non Christians would say working Christmas day is ludicrous. I was reminded that the love that was sent on Christmas day is sill being felt all across the world, in christians and non christians. Maybe even if we can't say Merry Christmas anymore it's still encouraging to know the world is still longing for a love that fills them with hope,a hope that we know came as a little baby boy on that first Christmas day so long ago.

Merry Christmas!

anxiously waiting

well today is the last day of my mat leave, its crazy to think it's been a year since Miss Claire was born! i've technically been off a little longer than a year because i couldn't hack the 8 hrs of sitting when i had 3 weeks left.

anyways.

today i am anxiously waiting on many things. Work starts tomorrow, i have yet to know my hours for next week - grr- but i did find out i will only get 2 days of training. so i await how those days will go and also to hear if my application for a jobshare will get approved. Another co-worker and I applied to split her full time position, which would be IDEAL! especially because I would know every week which days I am going to work, thurs/fri one week, wed/thurs/fri the next. only 2 saturdays in the whole year and limited evenings.....oooooh it would be sooo nice.

we also await for our new house, we have almost 2 weeks left. Things are coming along very nicely and I am anxious to get everything set up and organized. i have this unrealistic view that everything will be unpacked and hung and assembled by the sunday after we get possession on friday - YA RIGHT! i'm slowly realizing that it will take more than 2 days to unpack our possessions, newly acquired IKEA bits, oh yea and our 150 sq ft storage unit that is PACKED to the roof and bursting at the seems....sigh.

the 3rd thing but definately not the last thing is that it was announced yesterday that U2 is doing a show in Edmonton on June 23rd, 2010. So I have my presale code all set and ready to purchase tickets as of tomorrow at 3:00pm - SO pumped about this!!!!!

theres my little update for the week
Heres a pic of little Claire Bear on her 1st bday

the forever blog

so it's been forever, like really forever ever. so much has happened, pretty much the entire summer has pasted. we've gone from owning a home, to having it sold in 8 days, to starting to build a new home. and then to packing all our stuff away and being 'homeless' for 3 months- aka living in one room at my parents house and going on a 2 week holiday to ottawa with a side trip to niagara falls and niagara on the lake, and a cabin for a weekend. oh and lets throw in being the mc at our 10 yr highschool reunion that accompanied a trip to thompson for 2 days after driving....sigh, it's been busy!

our new house is coming along nicely. we are so excited to have our own space again not to mention one that is new and 'custom' designed to us. we drive by almost every day, check out the 'workermans' as andy says. i go through moments of panic attacks when i think it feels small - hello it's 1300 sq/ft it is by no means small!! but they are usually followed by days of 'this place is huge. what am i going to put in all these cupboards!' those thoughts are usually then followed by 'how the heck am i going to find all the stuff in storage that needs to go in these!!' ack. but honestly it's the biggest blessing, we never ever - or well i never ever, imagined we would have the oppourtunity, or funds, to be able to build a new home. thank you Lord. i am thankful for alll of the choices. even if its nerve racking at times.

we back onto a park so we've been taking advantage of our nice 'fall' weather and going to play at 'our park' i wonder how many people think we are crazy when we tell them we own the not yet built house when we are there...lol.

with the weather being so nice i've completely put going back to work on the back burner of my mind. i'm not ready to get back into that mode yet. it's coming sooner than later, almost 1 month left. it's been such a great thing to have this time off with both of the kids, especially andy, it's something i won't have as much of with claire. i've put in an application with another gal at work and we are hoping to job share her full time position. we are praying this can happen as it would be awesome to only have 2 days one week and 3 days the next. easier for childcare, easier for planning, easier for life!

i'm on the childcare hunt, we are going to met a private home daycare on friday, recommended by friends. sounds like it could be good but the hours are not the best at this point. she has alot of teachers kids - darn those lucky kids - and so she takes off the summer and 2 weeks at christmas....this is only reminding me why i wanted to be a teacher before, i knew there was a reason! anyways, i think we can make it work, but i'm praying for something that might be a better fit, without compromising quality care.

well i better go mow the lawn, kids will be waking up soon... heres our family pic from our ottawa trip, slightly photoshopped [=

overdue

–adjective

1.	past due, as a delayed train or a bill not paid by the assigned date; late: two overdue library books.

2.	too long awaited; needed or expected for some time: Improvements in our highway system are long overdue.

3.	more than sufficiently advanced, mature, or ready: That country is overdue for industrial development.

lets go with no.2

i was checking my gmail today and saw i had a nice little comment from a mrs janzen telling me she missed my blog, awww, thanks for that, so time for an update.

lets see....
i gotta say, i love being a mom of 2 kids, it's great, sure it's busy but it's really fun watching them interact with each other and to see claire smiling at her brother or watching andy try to make her laugh. i definately am excited for things in the future when they can really play together and be buddies. and also for all the fun family things we can and will do, not to mention the things dave and i will be able to do once we can leave them for a hot winter holiday - holla! hopefully next winter, cause this -38 in march SUCKS

i'm obessed with several things these days...

blueberries - fresh or frozen, on yogurt, with homemade granola or muffins which leads to the next on the list...

baking - muffins, cookies, biscuits, waffles, more cookies, mostly cookies, i also have been 'tweaking' recipes to see how different but the same i can make them, less sugar - more fibre, no oil - sneaking in pured squash for oils, adding ground flax. definately not as healthy as some folks - cough - alison - cough cough- i don't know what started it but it all seemed to coincide with the hangover of christmas baking. really did i really need more baking after christmas, not really....

buttery microwave popcorn - i blame regan for always having yummy popcorn at her house, but she claims she switched to airpopped now, i'll believe it when i see it

houses - looking at new ones, old ones, floor plans, what i like, what i don't. one day we will have a next house, right now we don't and i wish we did but it's ok because i do still like our place. well except when theres no more counter space, and the living room is full and there isn't enough room at the dinner table for guests, and no ensuite off our room...lol one day

and lastly but definately not leastly lovely grammar

naps - i look forward to the time somewhere between 1-4 every day when stars align and both kids are napping that i too can lay on the couch and fall asleep with the sun on my face - which is key to having a next living room, must be south facing... even if i can only get 1/2 hr it just makes me happy to get that snooze in. it happens fairly often so i am blessed.

alright enough of that here's some cute pictures from our day